An interesting article, and realizations of current and past friendships.

As I prepare to start a new chapter in my life much like the woman in this article below, I am perplexed as to why her best friends would leave her in her time of glory. Aren't friends, best friends at that, supposed to be the ones who support you the most? But, then again I can understand why this would happen.

I realize relationships will change and people will always come and go from our lives, and I believe if the friendships were tight to begin with, those friendships would not have lasted regardless. This is hard for some people to understand, and I too struggle with the loss of friendship. Those who matter have weathered the changes in our lives, and always have my back no matter where life takes me. Those people, who don't stick around, just don’t fit in to the bigger picture of the lives we now live. This doesn't mean they aren't proud of me and I am not proud of them. I am not going to lie though, it does hurt to lose a friendship and start the process of fitting in to new social groups.

I've been humbled by the people who have come and gone in my life, and I treasure all experiences with each person. As we grow older, we “grow up” and what was once important isn't so much anymore. I really don’t drink as much as I once did, and because of that I've have had some friendship struggles, but I believe the friends who stick around for your life changes, are in it to win it…you’re friendship means something to them and that is what keeps me optimistic in life.

In September, I will run my first 5K, and I hope when I cross the finish line, my friends will be proud of my accomplishments and not stray from me and my journey to being healthy and fit.  In a world of chaos, we need each other...need the support, and love.  I will support and love you, if you do the same for me.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/12/health/fit-nation-annette-relationships/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

The hardest part is listening to your body.

After seeing my doctor on Friday, I became discouraged especially since the GI Specialist doesn't accept my insurance. My drive home was filled with frustration, and emotions but also clarity. I say clarity because as I was stuck in lunch time traffic, I began to consider the following:

1. I don't need a GI Specialist
2. I need a Naurapath who will understand my need to keep food healthy, and who is also a specialist when it comes to stomach issues.
3. I need to listen to what my body needs.
4. I need to fuel my body with foods that are not processed. We weren't meant to eat that crap even though it tastes good...it's not even real food.
5. I need to psych myself up for this. I am my best supporter.

My problem:

1. After most of everything I eat, I feel bloated and have a tummy ache.
2. I get depressed over my inability to lose weight even though I exercise and aside from a few unhealthy snacks, I eat good stuff.
3. Frustrated with my sleep pattern.
4. I am tired of having to let my gut re-heal (barely consume food for a day or two) after an episode.

Why Paleo Diet?  Our bodies weren't meant to eat all the carbs and genetically modified foods and it hurts my tummy and it probably hurts yours or your children's stomach too. I've been pretty much GF for almost a month, and I have seen differences. It has been almost 4 weeks since my last GI issue.
http://chriskresser.com/paleo-diet-challenges-solutions-ii-its-all-about-the-gut

What do you think low fat and fat free foods are made of, and why do you eat this?  http://diaryofahollywoodstreetking.com/are-you-still-eating-fat-free-and-low-fat-foods/

Do you drink milk? I was never a avid milk drinker, and when I did it was fat free...well no more and GROSS!   http://butterbeliever.com/fat-free-dairy-skim-milk-secrets/

So, as I start this journey I hope to learn more about the properties of food, and start to feel good. Darn it, I just want to feel good. I hope I can network with friends who are sharing in the same struggle...to get healthier. I listened to my body which is why I am at this point in my life...changing my lifestyle to incorporate health.

Have you listened to yours today?

Dear Motivation, where have you been?

Dear Motivation, where have you been?

Over the last 15 years, I’ve struggled to find peace within myself, and find that inner balance where I can once again feel motivated by life, and my health. So far, 2013 has been a good year in regards to exercise. This whole finding peace isn’t as easy as you may think, but I am motivated to move forward.

Exercise and motivation – Color Run, walking and jump rope

I walk a min of 40 minutes a day 5 days a week, and tomorrow I will start my ‘Couch to 5K” training on top of my daily walking 3 times a week. My goal this year is to participate in the Color Run. The Color Run is on September 7^th of this year at Portland International Raceway, and is a 5K. I chose this run because there was no segregation of skill level.  I have a lot of excuses when it comes to exercise, and I own my short comings, however; I’m determined to do this run.  http://thecolorrun.com/portland/

This evening I plan on starting my jump rope challenge. I will start out with a goal of jump roping to three songs, gradually increasing a song weekly. I am doing this in order to tone my arms and strengthen my core. I will be doing this opposite the days I am training for The Color Run. I will also continue to keep walking.

My health

My health is a big concern for me right now, and I am trying to stay positive but it is hard when you become sick for no apparent reason, and that sickness seems to last for a few days. I feel as though I am at war with food, and I am losing.

This past week was a good week because I didn’t get ill from eating something my body decided it didn’t want to process. I’ve excluded dairy from my diet, and learned I have some possible allergies to certain types of dairy which will be explored at a later time. Right now, I am not eating Gluten.  Gluten seems to be A culprit and it helps that Robin is also Gluten free so eating doesn’t have to be so convoluted.  

Food has become a challenge for me…what do I eat? I think I have a bad Gallbladder, but explaining to doctors what my body is doing isn’t all that simple.  I want the Gallbladder out, but I am also scared that it may not be my direct issue. There is a lot of uncertainty at this point.

Injuries

My right ankle isn’t a big supporter of getting in to shape. I had physical therapy for a year, and avoided surgery, however; after a week of pumped up activity it aches me.  This makes me sad because if I am not careful, there will be no Color Run…jump rope and walking for me.

***

All I know for certain is, I am more motivated now than I have ever been and I just wish the rest of me was on board. I just want to be healthy and lose some weight. I should be losing weight and I am not and it’s really frustrating.

So, I will continue to truck a long..wishing for a more healthy body, mind and spirit. I am hoping I can meet my challenges head on and come out on top.

The journey of acceptance

As a child, I have dreams of how the future was to play out, and that idea continued as I grew older. I didn't dream of having children and settling down like most; I thought about success. I wanted the high paying job, big house, fancy car(s), and expensive things surrounding me. I went to college, sharpened my skills and began to diversify my portfolio.  It wasn't unit my late 30's that I began to see what life really is for...love, friendship, and happiness. 

About three years ago, I met a wonderful woman. She came in to my life when I was starting to go through a growth phase. I was beginning to introduce relaxation in to my life, and different perspectives. I looked at the world differently, and most of all me differently. I spent so much time trying to fit into something that I wasn't, that I became bitter, unhappy and overall disappointed with myself. I began to have inner struggles with family, friends, and my career.  

I am reminded of a quote, and I am not sure of the original author but it goes like...

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

I'm at the point in my life where everything I thought I wanted, I no longer want. Everything I didn't want, I now want. I am learning, you can only make it hard if your attitudes about life are pointed that way, and I can't change who I really am...I can only be the best I can be, and life with pride. 

This is not an easy journey, as I have to learn not to blame others for my short comings, and self help isn't a bad thing.

My aspirations during this journey is to completely accept my circumstances and myself so that I no  longer feel at war with myself...to no longer be torn within, divided, fighting myself and my circumstances.

The conscious person, who can embrace life just as it is, has discovered a flow of love at their center that cannot help but transform any and every situation, no matter how horrendous it may be.

The hardest part of this process is Letting go of blame, and anger toward the people in my past. They did the best they could, given their limitations.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know I have the partnership of a loving relationship, friends who accept me and do not waver in their love for me no matter my indifference's, and I must just live life to the fullest. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I realize my life will not have one path but rather many. Many of those paths will be dead ends, filled with cross roads, and rocky. 

Part of my discovery is a continuation of: Letting it out, getting a different perspective, know my heart, and accept.

Opportunities and the career thing

I'm thinking of a change, however; change is scary when you've been employed with a company for over 10 years. Monday, I have an opportunity which I am not passing up. I am hopeful this new opportunity (interview) will lead to something wonderful that won't hold me back. Although my present company has presented me with opportunity to move around...gain knowledge and diversify my portfolio, I am just not happy with my current state. I blame poor judgement on my part but where there is poor judgement there is also knowledge gained. By Stepping outside my Sales/Account Manager role and in to a more logistical role, I have learned valuable information which allows me to expand on potential careers. I have also learned what it is like to work with impossible people, which is a valuable lesson. Anyway, if all goes well I hope to go in to full detail the company I am interviewing with. Wish me luck!

A blind lady and her dog

In a unenthusiastic way, I took the bus home since my car is still in the shop and needless to say, I didn't anticipate having such emotion over a fellow passenger. While on the bus, I occasionally broke from reading to observe my fellow passengers, and noticed the bus driver moving people around in the front of the bus, and her assist a elderly blind woman and her lab on the bus. The bus driver was in an obvious rush, and was moving her around to accommodate a man in a wheelchair. The bus driver moved the woman from the right to the left...move your pooch this way..sit here...tuck your dog in on your right..The bus driver just repeated those words over and over again until the woman was sitting according to the bus drivers liking. I didn't start reading when we started moving but instead watched this woman take deep breathes and lean her head back. Her eyes were closed...she was blind but I could see her pain, and all I wanted to do was to go to her and giver her a hug, give her a ride home...maybe offer to always pick her up and take her home so she'd never have to ride the bus again. My heart hurt for her. Several stops later, the woman exited the bus and as the bus drove off but not before I was able to give her a final glance, as she stood in the rain waiting to cross the street. I hope she has someone to go home to, someone to put dry clothes on her and someone to love her and her pup.

Hello Self-Awareness

Human beings are complex and diverse, and this post is my "in a nutshell" discussion of my self awareness. 

I am often reminded in my thoughts of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but I see a "needs" discussion being on a different post entirely.

Over the last 20 years, I have had many triumphs and failures both personally and professionally.  I never thought much about the phrase "self awareness" and how good it can be for your soul, and for those around you.  Many of us just aren't inclined to spend much time on self-reflection. Many of us have a pretty low level of self-awareness. I am making this journey to learn more about myself.

Self awareness is important because when we have a better understanding of ourselves, we (I) are/am empowered to make changes and to build on our areas of strength.  We (I) identify areas where we'd  like to make improvements. 

Notable Examples of self awareness:

• Values

• Religious beliefs

• Political viewpoints

• Personality traits

Values:It's important that I know and focus on my personal values (convictions regarding what we believe is important and desirable).   Each individual has a different set of terminal values in his or her values complex. Values matter, and during my journey I hope to share my values.

 Religious beliefs:I grew up aware of religion, but never "dove" in to anything specific. My mother exposed me to various religions which I feel made me well rounded and open. T this day, I see no real relevance in following a particular religion, however; I do not look down on anyone else who does. I have grown to realize, religion embodies so much more than an idol. You are free to practice whatever religion that makes YOU happy, and so am I. 

Political viewpoints:
My political viewpoint has changed so much over the years. for a long time, I chose to like "political party" because of family, or friends. At this time, I chose to like based on my values and beliefs regardless of other peoples beliefs, this is what keeps me an individual and not part of a "flock."

Personality traits:
This was a tough one to understand and come to terms with.  I really need and have taken a look at my actions, attitudes and behaviors which I possess. 

• Some of my personality traits which are positive:

• Being honest no matter what the consequences are and developing the courage to do what’s right in those tough situations.

• Having responsibility for all of my actions.

• Adaptability and compatibility. I need to be more open to differences and welcome those differences as positive enhancers on my life. 

• Having the drive to keep going, and having compassion and understanding.

• Patience, love, imaginative, Meticulous, Humble, Encouraging, Capable, Optimistic, Impartial, Intelligent, Adventurous to name a few.

• Some of my personality traits which are negative:
• Laziness
• Picky
• Bitchy
• Unfriendly at times
• Bossy
• Vulgar

What I've learned:
This will be elaborated on, as time goes by but it was important for me to write this down, and make my self accountable for who I am.

• Self-awareness can improve our judgment and help us identify opportunities for professional development and personal growth.

• Change in values is a slow process, but it often begins with changes in behavior.

• Take time for myself to examine my strengths and weaknesses, my drives and personalities, my habits and values.