The journey of acceptance

As a child, I have dreams of how the future was to play out, and that idea continued as I grew older. I didn't dream of having children and settling down like most; I thought about success. I wanted the high paying job, big house, fancy car(s), and expensive things surrounding me. I went to college, sharpened my skills and began to diversify my portfolio.  It wasn't unit my late 30's that I began to see what life really is for...love, friendship, and happiness. 

About three years ago, I met a wonderful woman. She came in to my life when I was starting to go through a growth phase. I was beginning to introduce relaxation in to my life, and different perspectives. I looked at the world differently, and most of all me differently. I spent so much time trying to fit into something that I wasn't, that I became bitter, unhappy and overall disappointed with myself. I began to have inner struggles with family, friends, and my career.  

I am reminded of a quote, and I am not sure of the original author but it goes like...

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

I'm at the point in my life where everything I thought I wanted, I no longer want. Everything I didn't want, I now want. I am learning, you can only make it hard if your attitudes about life are pointed that way, and I can't change who I really am...I can only be the best I can be, and life with pride. 

This is not an easy journey, as I have to learn not to blame others for my short comings, and self help isn't a bad thing.

My aspirations during this journey is to completely accept my circumstances and myself so that I no  longer feel at war with myself...to no longer be torn within, divided, fighting myself and my circumstances.

The conscious person, who can embrace life just as it is, has discovered a flow of love at their center that cannot help but transform any and every situation, no matter how horrendous it may be.

The hardest part of this process is Letting go of blame, and anger toward the people in my past. They did the best they could, given their limitations.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know I have the partnership of a loving relationship, friends who accept me and do not waver in their love for me no matter my indifference's, and I must just live life to the fullest. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I realize my life will not have one path but rather many. Many of those paths will be dead ends, filled with cross roads, and rocky. 

Part of my discovery is a continuation of: Letting it out, getting a different perspective, know my heart, and accept.

Opportunities and the career thing

I'm thinking of a change, however; change is scary when you've been employed with a company for over 10 years. Monday, I have an opportunity which I am not passing up. I am hopeful this new opportunity (interview) will lead to something wonderful that won't hold me back. Although my present company has presented me with opportunity to move around...gain knowledge and diversify my portfolio, I am just not happy with my current state. I blame poor judgement on my part but where there is poor judgement there is also knowledge gained. By Stepping outside my Sales/Account Manager role and in to a more logistical role, I have learned valuable information which allows me to expand on potential careers. I have also learned what it is like to work with impossible people, which is a valuable lesson. Anyway, if all goes well I hope to go in to full detail the company I am interviewing with. Wish me luck!

A blind lady and her dog

In a unenthusiastic way, I took the bus home since my car is still in the shop and needless to say, I didn't anticipate having such emotion over a fellow passenger. While on the bus, I occasionally broke from reading to observe my fellow passengers, and noticed the bus driver moving people around in the front of the bus, and her assist a elderly blind woman and her lab on the bus. The bus driver was in an obvious rush, and was moving her around to accommodate a man in a wheelchair. The bus driver moved the woman from the right to the left...move your pooch this way..sit here...tuck your dog in on your right..The bus driver just repeated those words over and over again until the woman was sitting according to the bus drivers liking. I didn't start reading when we started moving but instead watched this woman take deep breathes and lean her head back. Her eyes were closed...she was blind but I could see her pain, and all I wanted to do was to go to her and giver her a hug, give her a ride home...maybe offer to always pick her up and take her home so she'd never have to ride the bus again. My heart hurt for her. Several stops later, the woman exited the bus and as the bus drove off but not before I was able to give her a final glance, as she stood in the rain waiting to cross the street. I hope she has someone to go home to, someone to put dry clothes on her and someone to love her and her pup.