The journey of acceptance

As a child, I have dreams of how the future was to play out, and that idea continued as I grew older. I didn't dream of having children and settling down like most; I thought about success. I wanted the high paying job, big house, fancy car(s), and expensive things surrounding me. I went to college, sharpened my skills and began to diversify my portfolio.  It wasn't unit my late 30's that I began to see what life really is for...love, friendship, and happiness. 

About three years ago, I met a wonderful woman. She came in to my life when I was starting to go through a growth phase. I was beginning to introduce relaxation in to my life, and different perspectives. I looked at the world differently, and most of all me differently. I spent so much time trying to fit into something that I wasn't, that I became bitter, unhappy and overall disappointed with myself. I began to have inner struggles with family, friends, and my career.  

I am reminded of a quote, and I am not sure of the original author but it goes like...

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

I'm at the point in my life where everything I thought I wanted, I no longer want. Everything I didn't want, I now want. I am learning, you can only make it hard if your attitudes about life are pointed that way, and I can't change who I really am...I can only be the best I can be, and life with pride. 

This is not an easy journey, as I have to learn not to blame others for my short comings, and self help isn't a bad thing.

My aspirations during this journey is to completely accept my circumstances and myself so that I no  longer feel at war with myself...to no longer be torn within, divided, fighting myself and my circumstances.

The conscious person, who can embrace life just as it is, has discovered a flow of love at their center that cannot help but transform any and every situation, no matter how horrendous it may be.

The hardest part of this process is Letting go of blame, and anger toward the people in my past. They did the best they could, given their limitations.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know I have the partnership of a loving relationship, friends who accept me and do not waver in their love for me no matter my indifference's, and I must just live life to the fullest. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I realize my life will not have one path but rather many. Many of those paths will be dead ends, filled with cross roads, and rocky. 

Part of my discovery is a continuation of: Letting it out, getting a different perspective, know my heart, and accept.